He was on my computer this morning. Without asking.
I’m learning much from our sons these days. Always learning, but especially now my ears are perked to listen and eyes set to notice. There’s much to gain when we make ourselves available to be students, in addition to teachers.
After much back-and-forth and lack of truth-telling, the boy caved.
With tears, he confessed: I’m jealous that I don’t have a computer.
So you took it? His heart made sense before the question was out of my mouth.
It’s always easier to take. To assume control. To take matters into our own hands because what lies underneath is scarier.
It’s scarier to risk vulnerability by asking, because we have no control over the response.
If you asked to use his computer and he said no, how would that have been for you?
I don’t know. Clearly. Clearly not knowing is the scariest reality.
We don’t know if we ask to use a computer, or open ourselves to a friendship, or admit a doubt, or wrestle with an idea, how the other person will respond. Waiting for this response is perhaps the most vulnerable posture because the other side can say yes. But they can also say no.
If he said no, would you have been disappointed? His tears spoke again. He wouldn’t be able to bear the thought.
So he took. He decided before having to open himself up. He reacted out of self-preservation. It’s just a computer but the interior fear is something we all know.
What will they say? What does that say about me?
And so he mustered brave words and vulnerably opened himself up.
I’m jealous that you have a computer and I don’t. Can I borrow it sometime?
Asking begins with vulnerability and paves way toward the gift of receiving. Receiving, for some of us, is scarier than taking.
Taking equates control. Power. A subconscious protection from having to intentionally ask and, therefore, be in a position to have to receive. Receiving can feel weak. Dependent.
But how healing when we muster the brave words, when we ask, and when we’re met with:
Yes. Yes, I’d love to share my computer. We can take turns all summer.
Yes, I’d love to go to coffee.
Yes, I’d love to hear your heart.
Yes, I’d love to wrestle with this topic.
Yes, I’d love to listen to your perspective.
Yes, I’d love to love you no matter what.
Watch, as asking then receiving opens hands to fly freely from self-protection.
Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. – Matthew 7:7 NLT
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