GRIEF JOURNEY: Stepping out of the shade

bekah Loss 1 Comment

Here’s the deal.

Grief sucks. And the anniversary of a loved one’s passing doesn’t wave a magic wand making sadness and pain disappear.

April 2nd was Dad’s 1st anniversary.

Surviving the muddiest and most eye-opening year was no small feat, yet I’m glad the annual “firsts” are behind.

On the night of his anniversary, apparently a train ran over me because in the morning blankets had sucked me further under the covers, and chilly air tempted me to stay in jammies and drink mint tea all.day.long. At dawn, I didn’t want to get out and help little boys brush teeth, put their shoes on, or find backpacks.

Grief Journey: When People Experience Loss

bekah Loss Leave a Comment

How are you? a friend asks.

I can feel my body looking for the nearest hole to crawl into, I reply. Maybe I’ll fly overseas and return come May.

I’m partly serious.

At Calendar’s turn from February to a new month, I sense, dread. March and April represent the anniversary of dad’s stroke and death, and a myriad of emotions that fall in-between, including late-fallen Easter. If I could just fast-forward this season, well, that would be super swell.

Holiday Panes

bekah General 1 Comment

One of the reasons I’m drawn to windows is that no two are alike. Each has a story- where it came from, glass clarity, layers upon layers of paint, chipped wood, unique hardware- they are a hidden secret, these windows. From one side the glass appears unscratched, the wood clean and solid, but turn it around to see the bottom left pane loose, paint worn, wood shabbied, a chunk missing from the side.

The same window, but different in appearance depending on what side you view it from.

I’m finding the holidays to be like windowpanes.

My week with Tanner

bekah Parenting Leave a Comment

Tanner is having a tough week. Or perhaps I am having a tough time with Tanner this week. Yes, that’s more like it. At church Sunday, a long-distance friend visiting, saw him, and exclaimed, “Tanner, when did you become a boy?” Raising my shoulders to my side-tilted head, I laughed. But then I looked at him. I took a Good. …