Why I don’t believe in ‘”Choosing Joy”

bekah General 5 Comments

I’m not a fan of the phrase, Choose Joy. There. I said it. Hopefully we can still be friends. I love the concept. I’m all for deciding upon a positive desire and chasing after utter contentment with everything in me, but the truth is, I’ve tried to choose joy and came up empty. Perhaps I’m desiring the idea of what …

How to Trust Goodness in Doubt

bekah General Leave a Comment

What keeps you from allowing the good in? I paused and searched the ceiling for an answer. Because I’m afraid it will run out. Like air from a balloon. I’m not sure if there is enough to last. I’m not proud, but I’m realizing this is my honest response. Apparently in the deepest parts, I doubt God’s goodness will prevail or …

An Invitation to Really Live

bekah General 8 Comments

Weeks ago I noticed complacency surfacing. I know when it’s near because my mind entertains the phrase, Is this it? There must be more.  Do you ever wonder the same? By mistake I started praying, God, help me refocus. Help me live like today is my last. Help me like, really really live. With joy and love and a cut-through-the-fat-peace only You offer. …

Does this Christmas carry Disappointment?

bekah General 1 Comment

Last Sunday one of our speaking pastors asked a question all of us can relate to. “Does this Christmas carry some disappointment for you? Expectations for the perfect family gathering, missing a loved one, wishing there was a baby in an empty nursery, hoping for more?” he asked. You could feel the palpable crowd nods. Is there a hint of that for you? Wishing for more, …

Feeling Blue This Christmas? A Re-Post: Holiday Panes

bekah Faith Leave a Comment

Beyond excited for Christmas this year, or feeling blue? It was around the dessert-heaped coffee table at our Downton Abbey marathon, that we talked of the upcoming holiday. Of anticipation and dread. Some eager, others just not feeling it. Megs chimed in about that morning at her church; how the pastor had spoke on joy. But before he did, he acknowledged …

GRIEF JOURNEY: Stepping out of the shade

bekah Loss 1 Comment

Here’s the deal.

Grief sucks. And the anniversary of a loved one’s passing doesn’t wave a magic wand making sadness and pain disappear.

April 2nd was Dad’s 1st anniversary.

Surviving the muddiest and most eye-opening year was no small feat, yet I’m glad the annual “firsts” are behind.

On the night of his anniversary, apparently a train ran over me because in the morning blankets had sucked me further under the covers, and chilly air tempted me to stay in jammies and drink mint tea all.day.long. At dawn, I didn’t want to get out and help little boys brush teeth, put their shoes on, or find backpacks.

Holiday Panes

bekah General 1 Comment

One of the reasons I’m drawn to windows is that no two are alike. Each has a story- where it came from, glass clarity, layers upon layers of paint, chipped wood, unique hardware- they are a hidden secret, these windows. From one side the glass appears unscratched, the wood clean and solid, but turn it around to see the bottom left pane loose, paint worn, wood shabbied, a chunk missing from the side.

The same window, but different in appearance depending on what side you view it from.

I’m finding the holidays to be like windowpanes.