Living a Year in GRACE: An Awakening Come Full Circle

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Smack in the middle of January in Southern California and I’m cross-legged in the backyard. It’s 80+ degrees and the sun is warming my back as fingers fly on the keyboard and the youngest naps.

I could pinch myself.

The sky is the electric blue and far off I hear a lawn being mowed. A yellow bud catches my eye and I wonder when she’ll smile for us, radiant petals lifting their gazes heavenward. Empty bowl by my knee, chipped and worn- almost ten years it’s moved from apartment to townhome to cottage, settling into different cupboards and feeding hundreds of mouths holding soup, ice cream, and parfait snacks.

What I Learned at Camp

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Since we married 9 ½ years ago, Bryan has always worked in ministry as a youth pastor. We started with rambunctious middle school students, tried high school ministry for a stint, and returned to our original love for rowdy junior high kids. Yes, both of us used to be crazy, now it’s mostly just Bryan.

And for the last eight summers, we’ve brought students to Hume Lake for a week of summer camp. Early in our marriage, Bryan would counsel a guy’s cabin, while I, a group of giggly girls. Us ladies would stay up late talking and every morning I’d threaten if they pulled out their makeup bag with hopes of impressing the male lifeguards. Girls, puh-leese! I’m sorry to break the news, but they are not looking at you or your envisioned marriage. Let’s not glob on the makeup this week. Let them freckles breathe. That was then…

While You’ve Been Gone

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This Sunday is Father’s Day and how I wish I could hug you and hear your voice and watch you tackle the boys and enjoy an outdoor bar-b-que celebrating you. We’ll still do all those things but the tangible hole will be your missing presence.

It’s been 2 1/2 months since you passed away- those days feel like a lifetime and yet, if you walked in the door tomorrow, it would take me a moment to question it abnormal. You are missed every second of every day. I’m confident time will dull the ache but you will always be missed.

While you’ve been gone…

The Polishing of Metals

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Crisp and oh-so-clear is the weather outside. I’m resting on our colorful comforter, my head leaning into the squishy pillows along the headboard. Tanner, next to me is hair curly wild. He’s tangled in an orange throw, surrounded by Legos and books. Occasionally he peeks at the screen, then goes back to his rocket ship building. It’s an uncommon place for me to write, but grace is this year’s focus and perhaps calls for a new change in scenery.