I find it comforting that the last book, the final page I turned on the eve of 2018 was Hinds Feet for High Places. This humble read moved me to tears as I read the allegorical journey of faith, trust and transformation. With candles lit and our home cozy inside, I found a familiar question surface: what are my goals for 2019? A word, perhaps?
Last night, over bowls of chili laden with fritos, and cornbread that refused to stay in one piece, the four of us shared about the hardest and most beautiful parts of 2018.
This year is different. I feel it in my bones. What’s different, is I have no word, no goals. If any, they are circumstantial wishes, which we all have, yes?
Getting Mr. Poe.
Getting fired. No’s. Rejections.
The gift of our home.
Space to be.
Finding a church family.
We cried and laughed. There is sacredness in pausing, remembering and looking back on God’s provisions, His promises fulfilled, noticing a deeper tethering to knowing Him in plenty or want.
This practice and Hinds Feet surfaced something deeper. I want to know. I want goals. I want to accomplish and check boxes and feel important in my work and relationships. And when I don’t have anything on the horizon, I feel a bit embarrassed and flaily. And so I’m going against my own grain and letting this be my 2019 mantra: Thy will, Lord. Not mine, but Yours. Truly. ‘Cuz I can plan and hope and pray, and that’s good and valuable but at the end of the day, on the heels of the hardest year ever, I’ve come up stronger and with less words and more awakeness to the truth that I can plan my steps but the Lord directs my path (Proverbs 16:9). And that’s exactly where I want to live.
The beauty of hard is letting these experiences draw us closer to the brokenheard, the humanity of others. To look in one another’s eyes and say, I know pain. I know loss. I know Ego-stripping. And inner transformation happens as a result of these uncomfortable circumstances. I promise.
How does 2019 welcome your soul? Do you have a word? A prayer? A wish? Whatever space you journey into this new year, I leave you with these beautiful words:
“Suddenly she understood. She was beholding a wondrous and glorious truth; ‘a great multitude whom no man could number’ brought like herself by the King to the Kingdom of Love and to the High Places so that they could now pour out their lives in gladdest abandonment, leaping down with him to the sorrowful, desolate places below, to share with others the life which they had received.” – Hinds Feet on High Places
Here’s to 2019, friend. May your path be open, your ears alert and your heart ready. Beauty is in store.