For many of us, our light goes out when we leave a job, a relationship, a marriage, a season. We wonder, God where are you? Why are you quiet ? Distant? Uncaring? Unfatherly?
Is He though?
I’m experiencing Him in new ways. Ways I realize, now, I thought people would offer. Security. Provision. Unconditional love. Openness. Trust.
I feel the familiar trust ball wobbly in my throat.
I’m learning – moving into a new home and being let go from a job the next day – that searching for answers brings me to my knees for the Answer. The alone Answer.
I’m watching my pastor hubby search for God outside of a church job. Where before he found Him with a flick of the light switch and the comfort of a constant paycheck. He helped people on Sunday mornings and checked kiddos into classrooms and hugged families and was needed. Now he wonders if God needs him when we’re going on 2 years without a constant job.
Yet, he’s learning God is inside him, shining a mustard seed glow when he’s making calls or fumbling for answers.
We are fireflies waiting for summer.
And often, we just want to walk in a room and turn on a switch and expect God to perform. To provide. To bring security. To give relationally. To instill trust into our brains like a quick hit of caffeine.
But he’s a dismantler, our Father. He’s lighting us from within, so that when we walk onto a porch or a church or a job, we know our worth comes not from those walls or authority or titles, but from a quiet still knowing that He is already in us.
No person can be our provider, our security, our confidant, our everything. My spouse nor myself. My dearest friends, nor my kids. Only the eternal. The one who stirs my soul and awakens me deeper to hold tight to His promises. To fuel my little light from His flame.
Burn bright firefly.
Dismantle all comforts, securities, codependent ties and hold tightly to His light.
Summer is here and it’s your time to shine.