Trust Fund

bekah General 19 Comments

Let’s just pretend we’re speed dating and share bullet points over these fish tacos, I told my aunt. Ready. Go. Tell me EVERYTHING.
She shared about her new home and the freedom she feels being in a rural space with her daughter, Annie.
I’m good, she smiled. I’m good. You, she leaned forward. There’s a lot going on. Go.

Bullet point lunches may be the new ticket item to efficiency and depth.

So out it poured.

We’re having a mid-life awakening. For the last few years, Bry and I have felt stirred to step out of 13 years of church ministry. Once we started paying attention to that, we stood back and began asking more questions, layer by layer. ‘Do we want to live in Orange County? Do we feel alive here? Can we afford it? What do we want for our boys five years from now? What would it look like to live congruently and do life with our neighbors, and the families we grab pizza and beer after Friday night football games with, and rub shoulders with at Trader Joe’s, and worship alongside at the church up the street? What if everything overlapped so that it’s one and the same?’  

In these stirrings, consistent themes surfaced: We desire a smaller church community, an affordable, slower-paced area to raise kids, seasons without tons of snow, rolling green hills, a place we can breathe. And there’s nothing more freeing and solidifying than coming to a moment in time where we listen to these stirrings and follow them to the end. This last year has been one of deepening our faith roots and paying attention. Often God uses seasons to draw us out or cement us deeper. 

We’re choosing to step out.

By is done working at the church at the end of March and we have no idea what the future holds.

I rambled off the fears that tempt to keep me up and how my chest threatens to hammer first thing every morning. Yet, there’s this quiet peace that draws us to depend on His voice day after day.

What will we do financially? Should we let the boys finish school until the end of June and a find a Band-Aid job in the interim? Or, should we pack up our home and step into the unknown. Should we head for Nashville without a job and just follow the stirring we’ve had since last summer?

Do you want to end up there? she asked.

Totally. I told her about our Nashville trip in January, about the moment we woke up to their first snowfall and most of the town had shut down but we traipsed through downtown Franklin in our coats and beanies, popping into a few shop and stores and felt an overwhelming sense of home.

But it seems foolish and scary to go without a job or tons of money and pull the boys out of school and just drive into a new town and say, ‘We’re here. Lets make it home, and be friends, and start working.’ Clearly – I sipped mango ice tea– we’re having a mid-life awakening.

Well from where I sit, I say you go.  Because everything that’s in your way is a layer of comfort.

She went on.

Your family is here.
You know the area.
You can make it work.
But I sense there’s a reason you felt this stirring from the beginning. Take advantage of this time and get out there. Because if you stay until the boys are done at the end of June, you’ll find yourself in the exact same spot.

And then the tears came.

I feel embarrassed for this season. I feel like we should have this nest of money built up cushy under us. I feel like we should have our ducks in a row and our 401-K life perfectly planned out.

And then she shared this story: There was a man who called his bank to check on his savings account and the banker told him he was starting at all zeros where his life savings should have been.

‘There must be a mistake,’ he yelled into the phone. ‘That’s our entire life savings. How can it be gone?’ The banker looked again, checked and double-checked with his manager but they came to the same horrible understanding. There was no money in their savings account.

The man’s wife interrupted. ‘What about the trust fund?’

‘What trust fund?’ he bellowed into her face. ‘We don’t have a trust fund.’

‘What about the TRUST fund? The Trust’ – she opened her eyes wide- ‘fund.’

He saw it. Trust. He’d forgotten to trust regardless of finances.

Do I trust when our family is facing the unknown and have no idea what we’ll do for jobs or where we’ll find a home? Do we trust that this season of surrender is inviting us to grow our roots deep in dependence on God’s protection more than our answers?

We are going from this space rooted deep in the trust that He doesn’t start something to abandon us. He didn’t plan a whisper years ago about doing ministry beyond church walls to lead us astray. He sees us and wants the best for us.

He wants the same for you.

And that doesn’t mean we’re going to be all damn cozy all the time.

For our family, faith means stepping into the uncomfortable, even though staying here is safer than going there.
Faith means trusting He’s bigger than staying close to family and dear friends or finding odd jobs to sustain us when we feel stirred toward rolling green hills and new and healing in a pocket that is beyond orange county. And as much as we want to grab our favorite people and say, “Come with us,” there’s freedom in trusting they are choosing where their family should be and we are doing the same for ours.

Stepping into the unknown may mean faith is being asked of us before a job offer, or home, or any of it makes sense.

Call this our mid-life awakening. We are scared. We are surrendered. We are hopeful.

We are trusting that at the end of the day our circumstances are life accessories and none of it matters apart from deep rooted faith.

Nashville, here.we.come.

Comments 19

  1. So many things I want to say, but it’s 5 am and I only get maybe twenty more minutes till it’s loud in my house, but you guys inspire me! I loved reading this post. I’m going to go have a good conversation with Him about stirrings ????????

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      OOh I love that, Kimi. Yes, listen to those stirrings and see where He takes you. Praying for you as you listen and pay attention.

  2. Wow! You two are amazing. It would take a blinding experience on a deserted Damascus road for God to make changes in my life. Your response to His gentle inklings is inspiring and a great reminder of true faithfulness. Blessings to you all in this new chapter of life.

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  3. Oh Bek, I’m so dang proud of you & Bry as you move forward in this deeper faith & trust journey with him. I love how your family is listening to what God is & has put on your hearts & walking in that. It feels you both are at peace with this, despite the uncertain circumstances. Your journey is inspiring!! We are behind you & support you as you plan for Nashville & we are committed to praying for you guys in His perfect provisions. ❤

  4. WOOT! Just love every word of this. God will be with you. “By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.” Hebrews 11:8 Can’t wait to see you there and introduce you to the amazing people I know there. P.S. I have a realtor. : )

  5. Everything I’ve felt the past 3 months summed up in one blog post! I know God put you in my life for a reason last weekend and I’m so thankful. Thank you for sharing your heart (with a pretty much stranger) and asking me such thought provoking questions. I’m excited to see what God has in store for both our families! Praying for you!

  6. Wow Bekah! I think it’s awesome you are going ahead trusting God. Know you will be in my prayers. It’s tough leaving family and making a home for your own family away from all you know, but with God anything is possible!

  7. So proud of you and Bry! We know many people living in the Franklin area countryside. God is doing His thing in you and once that happens and you don’t squelch it, there’s no putting the lid back on the jar of safe complacency. You are already on the journey. I can feel it in your words. And after you get there, keep listening! Go shake up their safe world as only you can.

  8. SO many things I can say right now about how we’re going through something similar. We’ve had these little nudges in our spirit that we didn’t know why but we’ve been obedient. And slowly but surely, the Holy Spirit has been faithful to give us little glimpses to confirm that we’re not just dreaming…that it’s His voice we’re hearing. So when there’s those little nudgings like you’re talking about…those are definitely Something. So excited for you!

  9. We recently had a similar awakening! Andy resigned before we knew what we were doing. The months of transition were really hard. Really hard. But now that we are settled at Gleanings for the Hungry, and we have that slower, more affordable life, and a beautiful, vibrant community, it all makes sense. I’m so excited for you guys!!! It’s going to be so good!!! The in-between time stinks, but you can do it! ❤

  10. Yes. Oh my yes. These awakening lead you to the craziest adventures with Jesus. I hear you. We’ve twice “broken the rules” and left a job without having another lines lined up because we knew….we just knew God had more. Umm…Daniel’s parents and sister are in Springhill outside of Nashville and some of our good family friends moved there last year too. It’s a great place. Just sayin..well be there 2 times a year so I’ll hunt you down. 🙂 May Jesus lead you clearly…

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      Oh I love that you broke the rules. Another reason you are so wonderful, Lyss! And hello… does this mean I’ll get to see you when you visit? Please say yes!

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      Yay! I just got so excited for YOU, Lauren. Keep listening, especially in the waiting. Find comfort in His quiet and trust trust trust. Keep me posted on what the next steps look like. Prayers!

  11. Bekah!!!! How exciting and scary and daring and hope-filled! I am praying for God to lead you every step of the way. So glad you are trusting HIM and listening for his direction. God will never forsake or abandon you. Ask and it will be given. God can do abundantly more than you can ask or imagine!!! On a personal note, so sad that Ty will be going to first grade in Tennessee and not “room 7” at Newland. I love you and your family and wish you the best on your new adventure.

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      Kim, the thought of leaving you makes our hearts so sad. You have left a forever mark on our family. I’ll never forget Tanner’s first day of Kinder. You saw his nervous face and tucked him right under your wing and our whole family won with you as his teacher. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. You are a brave soul and we love watching God use you right where you are.

  12. We live in beautiful East Tennessee and it’s an amazing place to raise a family. I can look out my front door and see the Great Smoky Mountains! Your book and blog posts have inspired me in so many ways. To “Choose Real” and also start writing again. I loved to read how you got started writing. Thanks for pouring your heart out…I know it’s not easy. I appreciate your honesty about life and faith. I wish you well on your new journey!

  13. Pingback: When Doubting is part of the Faith Process – Bekah Jane Pogue

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