The first time I noticed my quickness to utter #sorrynotsorry was brought to my attention from our counselor. Your work will be to stop apologizing for everything, she observed.
I brushed it aside until I found these words coming out unintentionally, often using humor to cover up my underlying discomfort.
I’m sorry for crying.
Sorry about that.
I’m sorry for not understanding.
(Noticing someone else is uncomfortable) Eek, sorry!
Ha! That was awkward. Sorry.
Recently I sat in a room with strong, capable, talented women who vulnerably shared their stories and as emotions rose to the surface in the form of tears or honest confessions, I heard a circle of I’m sorry followed by I’m sorry and something inside me broke.
What would it look like to stop living apologetically and start being confident in our voices? In our emotions? In our roles and ideas and nature?
What if we stopped being sorry for our tears? For our insecurities? For our very imperfect human circumstances and simply said what we feel, unafraid that we have to tack an apology on the back?
Why do I feel the need to say I’m sorry when I feel weak or small or have shared too much? Since when is transparency something to apologize for? Isn’t this where healing and connection and relating is birthed?
I’m claiming a new goal and it’s this: I will not apologize for my brokenness. I will bravely speak my heart and opinion and when it’s uncomfortable for others, or myself I will do my best to withhold from throwing a #sorry, #sorrynotsorry, #imsosorry at the end.
Instead, I’m saving apologies for when needed. Like when I yell at my boys or disregard my husband and interrupt him. I’m saving sorry’s for hurting a friend’s feelings or assuming a need and not pausing to clarify. I’m saying I’m sorry when it’s warranted, not just wobbly.
And I feel a bit stronger. And braver. More myself. More comfortable in the skin God’s given me, and I wonder if you will too, if you say fewer apologies and just mean what you say.