Remember

bekah General 3 Comments

Working out / getting toned didn’t even make it on my 2016 New Year’s Dreams. So.over.it.

Before 2015 becomes a distant memory I want to remember. I want to sit in God’s goodness, to look back and say, Yes, I see it now, even if I didn’t see it then. You are good. Your plans are better than mine. They go much smoother when I accept the process and give myself a break. When I t-r-u-s-t.

On New Year’s Eve I snuggled under cozy cotton sheets next to my love while our boys flanked the bed of our family friend’s guest bedroom.

Remember.

I heard it vibrate from within.

Remember.

I forced myself to draw up the vision of my penned dreams for 2015 (read the New Year’s Dreams Tradition post here). Mentally I went down the list while Ty laughed in his sleep, Bryan snored, and Tanner scraped his teeth back and forth.

  1. Come alongside the boy’s passions. Yep, I’d gotten out there and kicked / thrown a ball or two.
  2. Bake more. Hmmm. Could’ve broadened my horizons past chocolate chip cookies. But I mean, chocolate chip cookies. 
  3. Get toned. Err. Umm. Moving on.
  4. Start the Prayer Night. This dream came out of a heart’s calling for women to find a place of belonging. It went on for a few months and then fizzled.
  5. Find a publisher. Date signed: December 20th.

There were more dreams. Personal ones. Specific requests and hopes. And as I remembered, I realized something beautiful: almost half of the dreams didn’t come to fruition until December. The last.freakin’.month.of.the.year.

December I experienced hope. In December, a book deal. In month 12, a few puzzle pieces came together in unexpected ways.

I’m convinced God works in the final hours, in Decembers, when we seem to have come to the end of ourselves. At the close of a year when goals and aspirations and stirrings seem as if they may not actually happen. And some of them don’t.

It’s the same, I’m learning, with discomfort. In hardship, tension, or anxiousness at awaiting good news, the magic happens when I release myself to the last 10%, the final month, the December of whatever circumstance is present. The challenge invites (said in a high pitch voice) at the very very end. Those impatient moments where I have a choice: Do I cling and trust and know God is in it and wade the current OR do I wonder, Just how is this whole thing going to pan out? Followed by, What do I have to do to check it off? I notice a pattern. I find myself fidgety and grabby, with a delirious temptation to busy, or call someone, or fix something, or control it toward fast-forward fruition.

I’ve come too far to fight the current.

Release. Remember.

It’s the final hours of discomfort where I resist the urge to make it happen and instead trust the process. It’s here perseverance is tested, where gold is discovered, where healing comes like the break of dawn.

Fresh and new and begging to be remembered.

And it’s good because it’s in His time.

I’m cheering you on in this New Year as you remember what’s behind and see Him in what’s ahead.

xo,

Bekah jane

Comments 3

  1. Love that exercise didn’t make the list this year… Me neither! I’m just lucky to carry the groceries from the car without going over my weight limit! This recovery thing is so much harder than I ever imagined. This year for me is live in the moment, because this moment is all we have for sure. Enjoy people, serve people and love people, the rest will happen while I strive to do these 3 things … Maybe even some exercise!

  2. Amazing. And true. Jesus SO works in the Decembers. Good thing it is my birthday month!! “) I am so sad that month is over. Can’t wait for it to come next year! Although I am looking forward to summer first!! “) I love the remember- thanks Bek for some hope for my today!

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