How do babies come out?

bekah Parenting Leave a Comment

Was not prepared for this one, friends.

Maybe in a couple years, but now? Really?

And so we jumped in with both feet to the baby convo with our oldest.

It went like this: {nonchalantly} during a snack, with a full mouth of Cheez-Its, So mom, how do babies come out? Followed by quick pause, eyes boring into mine. And don’t tell me from your bellybutton because I’ve seen yours, and it’s not big enough for a baby to come out of.

Well, okay then.

And so I dove. Why not, right?

Babies come from their mommy’s vagina.

Hold the phone. You told him that? Yes, I did. We’ll delve into c-sections and adoption and other ways babies are welcomed into families, but for now, he was x-ray visioning at the bellybutton hiding under my shirt and I knew what he was after – the truth. Wise, older moms have shared this wisdom: don’t shy away from the real words. We don’t have to make it funny or awkward. When we teach kids about their body parts, they don’t scoff when we say elbow, and so is the same for vagina. As well as baby topics.

Okay, I’m off my soapbox.

He pushed further. I imagined the small wheels turning. Head cocked, So, does the baby come out where you pee?

Seriously kid? Wasn’t vagina enough for you? Thus came the rest of the anatomy lesson, ending with, Do you have any more questions?

Yea, how do snakes slither?

Oh, this is fun. We retreat to the kitchen table, open the computer and hello! YouTube. Type, type- bam! – an educational video about how snakes slither {which, by the way, do you know they use their scales to hold on to the surface and move along?} If you put them on glass they can’t move forward. You’re welcome for that informative serpent lesson.

Then it was more videos on Why do bears growl? Then on to elephants. The kid wants to know about elephants.

Light bulb! Inner dialogue: I’m going to have an amazing parenting moment and link elephants {imagine me joining one hand in the air} giving birth {joining my other hand in the air and raising them high as I hum a heavenly tune} so he can see what we just talked about! Totally makes sense right?

Type, type. Up pops a video of a mama elephant giving birth. Tanner’s eyes are headlights glued on the screen. Mama elephant is pushing. It’s gross. I’m explaining why the baby is in a ginormous sac, then thud! Baby elephant falls to the ground {these poor animals give birth standing up- for the love!} and lays there unmoving. Suddenly, everything is in slow motion and I’m scrambling for the keys to turn off the video and of course, I can’t seem to locate the pause button or the mouse, or my voice. Umm… I’m so sorry. Ummm… don’t look!

What’s going on? What’s wrong with the baby elephant? Why isn’t it moving? Why is the mama kicking the baby?

WHAT? We’re in full panic mode at this point!

You guys, I could.have.died! Great mom intention turns epic parenting fail 101. Like BIG time!

I slam the computer shut and cup his shocked-face cheeks. Pretty sure I apologized a billion times for what he’d just seen.

Inner dialogue: Well this is just great. First his papa dies and now, ‘Here son, sit down and watch a mama elephant give birth and kick her newborn baby.’ Awesome.

No joke, the rest of the day we had to revisit my huge mistake. Mom, how come______? I promised him and myself  I would never show him another YouTube video before previewing it first.

And to top it off, Bryan isn’t home maybe two seconds before:

Dad, babies come from vaginas which are right here {he points to where it would be if he were a girl} and we saw an elephant, and it died, and the mom kicked it, and… I meet Bryan’s gaze over Tanner’s curls.

Shoulder shrug, squish mouth face. Head shake.

How was your day?

*REDEEMING DISCLAIMER: My friend, Ang, watched the elephant birth video in entirety and it turns out {please grab your Kleenex} the baby SURVIVES!! Yes! I’m not an epic mom failure after all.

To watch the highly emotional movie {without your son or daughter at your side} here is the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVFTYzNHHRY

 

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