Does Size Matter?

bekah Parenting Leave a Comment

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He’s three and not quite independent in the bathroom. He wants me far enough away to “give him space” but close enough to help should he desire my company.

Finishing, he looks down at his penis and back up at me. Tilting his head, his almond shaped eyes scrunch inward and the corners of his lips purse down. Tanner’s penis is bigger than mine. (Insert dramatic pause)  I. so. sad.

I fall off the stool and simultaneously bite my lip to muffle explosive laughter.

Oh Ty.

I think you’re penis is just the right size for you. It’s Ty size. You can’t compare yours to brother because he’s older and bigger and…

I thought it was only girls that struggle with comparison. Here I was counting on a “get out of jail free card” having boys, and this?

My mouth gathers in the center as I think, we are so careful not to compare them.

We catch ourselves from saying, Ty ate his dinner in three seconds, and you’re going on 3 hours- do we live in France, Tanner?

With Ty, we avoid Because your brother is older, and can stand up and pee.

We try our darnest not to compare them at school or church. Does so-and-so know how to count to 100? Can they read words? They can?!! Get out your paper and pencil- we have work to do! {Exaggeration}

Little Billy sat and listened – why can’t you practice self-control and stop whining?

When they do whine, and oh, do they whine, we intentionally ask, Would you please talk in a Ty-Ty voice?  A Tanner voice? I can remember as a young kid being asked, Does ___ talk like that? and hating it! Who cares if the rest of the world is sweet and obedient- in that moment, our kids are driving us up a wall, and comparing them to Perfect Pants really doesn’t enhance the situation.

I often slip.

I bite my tongue when I react, How old are you? You’re five- you should know better!

You’re three- coooooome onnnnn!

What does that mean anyway? I’m almost 33 and learning lessons some learned at 20. Instead, I strive to communicate this: I expect you to act like Tanner, like Ty, and no. one. else.

So it was crazy when…

this penis talk came up {no pun intended}

As my friend Em says, the “locker room comparison.”

Mamas of boys, I guess we aren’t in the clear.

Tanner and Ty play football with Bryan.

Good throw, T.

Good throw Ty.

Tanner: What about me, dad? Did you see how high I threw it?

As kids we look for approval, for encouragement, and validation.

And then we grow up and don’t need those silly things anymore, right?

Try again.

Us moms are the worst at comparison. I know I am.

So-and-so made homemade playdough with her kids. She’s uber creative.

She sewed pillows for the couch, and cooked an all-organic meal for her family. Suzy home-maker.

This person makes time to run, and watch people’s kids, and works part-time. How does she do it?

That friend has sex with her husband four times a week. Ummmm…What were we talking about?

I barely fed and dressed our clan today. I deserve a medal for walking out the front door.

Insert Eeyore voice and slump shoulders. I’m not as good as_______. See how fast that happens?

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And that my friends, is where we get to step in with our children and model authenticity and honesty. We get to first validate how they feel, and then offer a truthful response. They are exactly where God wants them- in looks, size, brains, and talent. He created them special in His image, and He doesn’t make mistakes.

While we’re sharing with our little munchers, let’s pray those words stick with us too. When our minds begin the comparison game, let us say this to ourselves:

In every sense of the word I am exactly where God wants me, and now I get to live it out.

And let’s believe it!

Easier said than done, but as parents, if we can embrace this approach, not only will we support one another in this crazy – and yes, it’s crazy – parenting adventure, but we will simultaneously raise confident, encouraging kiddos- kids who celebrate one another differences, instead of feeling insecure or prone to compare.

And Ty? He’ll be just fine. 🙂

“Never compare your inside with somebody else’s outside.” – Michael Palmer

 

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