Dry cotton mouth.
Racing heart… thump, thump, THUMP, THUUUUUMMMMPPPP!!!
We all know this sensation- the where in the world did this come from? feeling.
Whatever title we attach it to- scared, fear, anxiety… it’s all the same. It’s that notion that we are not in control and our body is reacting.
I know this feeling well.
Do you? When was the last time you felt completely unsure and scared?
Because, let’s face it, life is scary. Whether it’s moves, kids, friendships, marriage, quarter-life crisis’, identity flounderings, loss, seeking God, it’s scary.
And being scared isn’t the deal-breaker, I’m finding. It’s what I do with the scared.
Because we really have two options; to run away or stay in it.
A speaker gets ill at the last minute and I’m asked if I want to share in the next, oh twenty minutes! Huh? Dry cotton mouth. Ummm….I’m not prepared, I don’t have my notes. Ummmm…. Honestly? I’m scared.
I feel the distance with a dear friend – thump, thump, thump- I unzip all that’s vulnerable and lay it on the table, a messy pile. Communication can be scary, yet so incredibly healing and life-giving.
Unexpected financial demands invite on-our-knees prayers for God to provide opportunities. S.w.e.a.t.-y!
Do I let it consume my mind with worry and anxious thoughts? Do I let the rabbit trails dig deep or waste energy on situations I can’t control?
I can. That’s my tendency, but, here’s a new approach…
Isn’t that where He wants us? Trusting Him scared? When we’re scared, we are out of control and desperately in need of someone or something to cling to. Why not Him?
What’s scaring you? Is it a job you really want? A house decision? What’s that thing you know you need to release to experience truer joy and freedom? Maybe you’re like me and often your own kids scare you!
What about handing it to Him and letting Him hold it for you? Maybe uttering some honesty about the more you care, the more it scares you and the more it scares you, the greater your need for Him.
I’m trusting Him scared this weekend.
I blame it entirely on Karen. She sent me this blog about a writer’s conference and the next thing I know it’s the dry mouth, thump thump, sweaty, itchy armpits, and I’m devouring the information as fast as I can read and knowing in my gut I’m supposed to go, and now it’s here, and off to Texas I go to gain tools, learn, listen, and soak up wise advice from amazing writers and speakers… and I don’t even own a pair of cowboy boots!!
and confident this is the very place I’m supposed to be.
If I stay static, unchanging, never risking, not stepping into scared, I’ll never grow or change or trust. I’ll stay the same, and the thought of that scares me more than trusting scared.
If you think of me this weekend, you can pray; that I’ll be “me” when nerves loom, that I’ll trust when insecurity flares, that I’ll step into when I feel like fleeing. I’m so excited for this Austin adventure, with or without cowboy boots!
O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:8