Today holds significance, a valuable weight and I breathe in sharp as I glance at the calendar declaring October 2. The 2nd of the month, another month, another 2nd.., every month I shake my head that it’s been another month without dad, and the 2nd comes only too fast cementing the fact that yes, indeed, life does go on. It looks different, it feels different, it smells, sounds, and tastes different. It’s a gift, this trivialized four-letter word; life.
Today marks six months since dad has been gone. Even writing it it seems like years, and in the next blink, only seconds. It’s true, what they say, time helps heal. What is not true is that time heals all. It’s getting easier- the fog lifts, laughter feels more natural, tears lessen, senses come down off the high-board. It’s not about looking back, but about honoring who we miss. Still, the mind wanders, it opens closed doors and peers around hallways of his presence, and it’s fresh all over again. Last night, Bryan and I laid close in bed. He rubbed my back while the white noise of the fan comfortably filled our room. And just like that! the tears came! Why must they be so hot and fast-falling? Even so, I welcome them because they symbolize a man greatly remembered.
At dad’s memorial service we shared funny, serious, personal stories of a dad and father-in-law. I spoke about the last conversation I’d had with him, five days prior to his stroke. We’d talked about the meaning of love.
Love is an action, dad had said.
Months later, I sat in brainstorming meeting for HomeFront Magazine, the incredible parenting resource I am honored to be a small speck of, as we tossed around stories, parenting pieces, crafts and recipes focused on love. You know that feeling when you’re heart is banging on your insides? I knew! I knew I had to share my dad’s legacy surrounding our final exchange of words. It was the fastest, most effortless piece I’ve ever written. I find it strangely comforting and heart-patting that the HomeFront October issue highlights his story, Love In Action and was timed unintentionally to six months after his passing.
This article is my heart unzipped and spilled on paper. It honors my dad’s legacy. His words continue to inspire me and so many others, to “show up” for people because love truly is an action.
To read the HomeFront article, click here: Storytelling: Love In Action, p.10-11.
Had I known it would have been our last conversation, I would’ve hugged him tighter and longer the night we talked of Love is an Action.
Love you dad. Miss you.
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