While You’ve Been Gone

bekah Loss 2 Comments


This Sunday is Father’s Day and how I wish I could hug you and hear your voice and watch you tackle the boys and enjoy an outdoor bar-b-que celebrating you. We’ll still do all those things but the tangible hole will be your missing presence.

It’s been 2 1/2 months since you passed away- those days feel like a lifetime and yet, if you walked in the door tomorrow, it would take me a moment to question it abnormal. You are missed every second of every day. I’m confident time will dull the ache but you will always be missed.

While you’ve been gone…

Mom learned how to pump her own gas.

She finished the school year and invited each one of her {and your} students into her story ~ no doubt laying a beautiful foundation of hope to an otherwise abstract concept of death for a junior high student to grasp.

Tuesday night bible study resumed at your home, brownies laid on the kitchen table with cutesy napkins resting nearby, your friends filling the room and seats, pushing those darn pillows back in the corners as they slide down the leather couch.

While You’ve Been Gone…

Bry and Tanner shared a good cry on the way to school one morn, when a Coca-Cola truck pulled up alongside the car.

Ty continues to reprimand every beach gull to stay away from his food. “Birdies, don’t eat my donut!” Can you hear his voice? Do you laugh in heaven when he yells at those darn birds?

We’ve spent hours weeding and gardening and tending our roses and flowers- the yard looks amazing!

Summer smore’s nights have officially kicked off.

Bryan and I pray more together. Sometimes he prays, sometimes he holds me and we pray silently, while other times we talk to Jesus about how losing you makes us want to squeeze every ounce out of every day. God, stir in us how you want us to live and serve and love!


Ty is going potty on the big boy potty. Not all the time, but he’s getting the hang of it! Mostly, he just likes the gummy bear treats and wearing his brother’s Spiderman undies. Can you picture Ty running down the hall half-nakey, wearing undies and rain boots? You would get the biggest kick out of watching that crazy kid!

Tanner graduated pre-school, complete with an epic, end-of-the-year party and evening performance/graduation. When he grabbed his certificate of completion, I couldn’t help think that you would be yelling his name and cheering the loudest.

tlast day

Ty finally braved the pool in Palm Springs, although he did tell the older couple wading in behind him to “Get out of the pool!” then asked Bry, “What’s she doing in here?” pointing at the older woman!

While You’ve Been Gone…

Bryan and I finally got all of our insurance and trusts and will ducks in a row!

We have a new-found desire to tangibly love on our neighbors and are praying about a specific way we can serve as a family.

I went through my window inventory 🙂 Remember the last voicemail you left me? Business is going great and I’m inspired all over again!

I’ve felt a bit vulnerable and “out-there”… existing without a dad is a weird feeling, like the safety umbrella has been lifted and I’m left feeling super exposed. At the same time, I’ve never felt so comfortable in my own skin.

I find myself talking to God and then saying, “Can you tell Dad I love him?”

While You’ve Been Gone…

We acknowledge what an intricate part of our life you are, as though one of the center puzzle pieces went missing. Your absence draws us closer to needing God’s grace and love. Life is about loving Him and others, and making the most incredible, simple, everyday memories along the way. Thank you for living that reminder daily while you were with us.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad. You are the best dad I could ever ask for.

Peanut butter and chocolate 🙂

Bekah Jane

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