Marriage

bekah Faith, General 2 Comments

April, we will celebrate our 8th Wedding Anniversary!

Eight.

It has a nice, even sound to it.

It’s not the 5th anniversary, and certainly not a big to-do like 10, but it has a comfortable, in-the-middle-tone to its special place as our eighth year of life together.

Eight fits us quite well these days.

These days of God’s Best, where we are settling into the rhythm of life in Huntington Beach.

Many seasons of marriage have led up to this year of Eight.

Bliss.
Adventure.
Growth.
Life.
Awe.
Challenge.
Direction.

And now.
Year 8, a year protected in the prayed for, and wrapped in God’s promises… this may just be the best year yet!

And to to cheer it on, to go before our 8th Anniversary and welcome it boldly and confidently, we opted for a Marriage Conference, The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted, with Dr. Gary Chapman, this past weekend.

Do you know the best part about it?

No, it wasn’t the fabulous dinner we shared at an intimate Cuban restaurant with some friends before the first evening session.

Or listening to the down-to-earth, fuh-nee, practical Gary Chapman, who, when I closed my eyes, his North Carolina accent transported me to a calm, Nicholas Sparks beach.

Nor was it even the child-free weekend we had, because our amazing brother and sister-in-law offered to watch our boys, so we could have quality time.

The best part was walking into the conference with a healthy, thankful approach on our marriage.

Because it’s not always that way.
Healthy and thankful.

We’ve had our marriage spikes of hurt, resentment, discouragement, and complacency.

Through the valleys and ski jumps, I am blessed to have a best friend, that together, we choose to grow and heal, we choose one another, and walk forward side-by-side, onto the marriage coaster.

The timing of this recent marriage conference could have easily fallen during one of our flavorless marriage dips, and we, no doubt, would have walked into it, desperate and clinging, raw wounds and calloused hearts. It wouldn’t have been a very fun approach.

But the timing was now. The present. Freedom. Going because it could only make us stronger.

I’m so glad we went.

Layers upon layers, of marriage wisdom was whispered to our ears.

Wonderful reminders about communication, love languages, and not speaking out of our emotions.

If I had to gift wrap the gems, the reminders he spoke just to me, lay them in a delicate glass box, and see them first thing every morning for the rest of my life, these are the gems you would peer through the box…

~  Communication: tell one another 3 things that happened to you today and how you felt about them. This opens up doors to talk, and you learn more about your spouse.

~ Pray together {this is a tough one for us~ great intentions but no follow-through} BUT, Dr. Chapman encouraged us to hold hands and pray silently to God. When you finish praying, simply say Amen and wait for your spouse. The power of praying together is really about praying to God, not one another. Love this point!!

~ Talk about your love language {they can change over the years} and love your spouse in his/her love language, not yours.
We touched on this later and took away practical ways to love one another daily.
Bry {acts of service} feels loved when I pack him a lunch for work.
I {quality time} feel loved when Bry initiates conversation about my day, before he turns on the TV or tackles a project.

~ Don’t talk out of emotions.  If a conversation gets heated, it’s wise to take some time to cool off and regroup.

~ Great questions to ask one another:
1. What can I do to help you?
2. How can I make your life easier?
3. How can I be a better spouse to you?

~ And the most sparkling gem of all, marriage is ministry!
If I serve and love on others, why wouldn’t I want to serve my spouse?

Plus, we are excited to delve into The 5 Love Languages of Children, so we not only love one another in our specific love language, but our boys too! There’s gonna be a whole lotta love in our fam!

What are some marriage gems you’ve learned along the way?

Comments 2

  1. I really love the one about praying together silently! I don’t know why I have never thought about doing it that way! Thanks for sharing, it is so encouraging to see people living and loving and growing in their marriage!

  2. How can I make your life easier, what a great question.
    Love languages sound so simple, but goodness..are they powerful!
    Drew’s is also service, like Bry, and mine is words of affirmation.
    Once we learned this, things became a lot clearer and easier! Boom. Love learning from you two about a rock star marriage 🙂

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